Dominance is no longer taught in our schools. And yet, despite all of these new, fool-proof solutions, being a parent can still leave you frustrated and confused. Creating new rules that are not based on anger, blackmail, or tension is the foundation of this new "positive parenting" concept. Let's examine together certain methods that have proven their worth, sign by astrological sign, so that we can help you make raising your kids and running your family life easier:
One important point not to neglect: make sure your child is properly socialized so that they are not locked away in the house, away from any other people but you. Don't hesitate to take them out into the world and to appropriate places. To a library, for example, where they can meet other children or to a playground (or arcade) where they can share in the fun with others and thrive.
In order to boost your little darling's self-esteem, you must first have a healthy one of yourself. This is absolutely essential, since your behavior will speak louder than your words. Next, make them realize their own skills, as well as their limits, so that they can bring them together in their life, accepting criticism without losing their cool or devaluing themselves. In this way of thinking, teach them not to compare themselves to others or to compete. Once they've learned this, they will feel much more comfortable in their own skin.
If you have some advice to pass on to your child, be rather expressive if they are under 4 years old, since, at this age, they can understand only about 2 words on average, compared to 7 for an adult, so there's no point in long, rambling sentences. Adapt to their learning style, and communication will be all the easier for it. You are a person who likes to talk but know that exchange is sometimes better done without words.
Letting your little darling of three or four years old play and have fun is essential for their proper development. But still: don't forget to encourage their autonomy by asking them to take part in the household duties, such as setting and clearing the table or to do you a favor and put the closet in order or rearrange the furniture. Over time and little by little, they will learn to brush their own teeth and put on, and take off, their clothes.
Be more of a partner than a parent to your children, which is, unfortunately, not something you hear a lot in parental advice. Threats and blackmail are counter-productive to your child's fulfillment, but be careful not to be too permissive, either. Choose new solutions based on respect and set up rules and instructions that help you organize your family life. This way, the atmosphere at home will become tidier and therefore healthier.
Don't reprimand your child of less than four years for lying, since it is normal for them to confuse their imagination and reality. If they lie, it's not that they harbor any bad intentions but, on the contrary, they sincerely believe the things they dream up. Their brain is so active that they can come up with surrealist stories and fantasies all on their own. It's up to you to untangle the maze of information and figure out what is really true!
If your child's behavior or reactions ever overwhelm you, go find information that will help you understand that their behavior is based solely on whim and fancy - which have nothing to do with reality. Your demands might be inappropriate for their given age or the way that you ask them to do certain things might be beyond their level of understanding. If so, try to meet up with other parents and talk about different ways of parenting, of raising children. You'll start to see things more clearly.
Drop the accusatory "you"s that often come tumbling out of your mouth: "You never listen!", "Your room is a total mess!" - that tends only to ramp up the tension. To make them cooperate more, replace the "you" with "I": "I am angry", for example. This way, there will be no negative impact on their self-esteem or on the relationship between the two of you.
Before you speak, think twice. You are not a child, but you can very easily fall prey to your often overwhelming emotions, damaging communication between yourself and your child. Give yourself a minute to relax and calm down; breathe in, breathe out, have a glass of water. This little break will give you the perspective you need to salvage the situation and not ruin your parenting experience.
Don't, like most parents, neglect to look back over your own past so that you can avoid flying blind when it comes to raising your children. Do you have old wounds from your childhood that still hurt? What type of upbringing did you receive? What parenting model would you like to follow with your children? All these questions and more will lead to promising insights that will make for a more positive parenting experience.
To give them a sense of moderation and prevent them from overestimating themselves, to the point of having illusions of grandeur, point out to your child what challenges they have to take on or just how hard certain situations are and how to get over them. It's not about devaluing them or focusing too much on their limitations, but more about pointing them in the right direction. They are sure to find the right balance.
If your child has trouble falling asleep at night, don't hesitate to stay with them as they drift off into the land of sleep. And, if your presence helps them fall asleep more quickly, you will become their primary attachment figure, which bodes well, since you are the one from whom they acquire all the affection they need to feel safe. On the other hand, try not to get too stressed out: they will take this better than you think.
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