Determine Everyone's Role
The stepfamily is not a scary step for you, but you must take into account the fact that the new family unit where you set foot does not necessarily give you the role of leader. Rather, you will be the second in command, after the parents. However, you have a real place to take, which is that of stepfather or stepmother, but not one that will usurp the place of the other. Understand that you would not necessarily like to feel dismissed as a parent within the family you created.
Present a United Front
Assume that you must show the child that a parental alliance exists first and foremost. If you start bickering even nicely with your new spouse in front of the kids because you do not agree, it will be felt on the harmony that is supposed to reign in this family. It is best to settle disagreements away from children's ears. In addition, institute educational rules away from the children, so as to avoid basic incompatibilities with each other.
Smooth the Edges
If the current is not very fluid with your spouse's children, do not take it personally. Consider that it is your step-parent status, which is independent of who you really are, that stimulates this hostility. This would probably be the same situation with another person. Do not be so sensitive against a child who tries to awkwardly express their feelings of discomfort, not necessarily with the objective of destroying your relationship. Banalize the attacks and reassure them, this will please everyone.
Establish an Authentic Link
Of course, the concept of stepfamily involves finding one's own place in a new configuration, which could lead to confusion in your mind or even make you doubtful about your legitimacy in your spouse's family. Do not try to do too much to make yourself accepted and let time do its work while remaining yourself. Establish a genuine bond of trust with the child and share interests with them.
Communicate with the Children
Be attentive to the children because the separation of their parents is a big pain. When one of their parents remakes their life or marries for a second time, they feel a sense of abandonment while living a situation that can be really anguishing. If they become aggressive, it's normal, you have to talk to them and reassure them by explaining that they always count for you, using the simplest words in the world.
Do Things Together
The stepfamily does not exist because it is called just so; you must take actions by which everyone will define themselves in interaction with the other. You will have to find activities where everyone will have a role to play and therefore take into account the different ages of each member; it is important that there is no one who feels excluded. Example: an trip to the pool is within everyone's reach.
Having arrived at the heart of a blended family, you may be overwhelmed by some new responsibilities which, in fact, involve the elders. However it is not appropriate to require a child of nine or ten years old to bathe their little brother/sister because it would overwhelm their still fragile or immature shoulders. It is also not suitable to send a message to the other parent and so on. Of course, the child can participate provided they do things that are right for their age.
Open and Communicate
The idea of a weekly meeting, for example, could be beneficial for everyone, and it would allow each member including yourself to be able to speak, formulate what is weighty and what could be changed or improved. This will present the child with open and flexible conditions in which they will find that nothing is definitely cast in marble and that they can even take some responsibility for the constitution and structure of the family.
Share Your Emotions
You will quickly understand that the trick to it is based on the balance of the stepfamily and your ability to communicate, not just with words but also emotionally. Your childlike soul is an asset in organizing habits, outings, fun times, a common story. Schedule rituals with your spouse's children, such as preparing a cake every weekend or watching a DVD, which will encourage you to build more and more privileged relationships with them.
There is no need for romantic demonstrations in front of your children or your partner's, as it may shock them in the beginning. Of course, the love you have can make you hover on a small cloud but it is important not to involve them in the sensual relationship of adults. And do not throw away your ex who is the biological parent of your children and do not criticize them because it can be destabilizing for the child who has also been built through them.
Avoid engaging lightly and ignoring the complex issues of this new family system you are about to enter. It is necessary to represent it with tact and responsibility. You are not just passing, but are there for preferably an undetermined and long time. Take into account the complex experiences of your new partner and their children. The more serious you are, the better you will be welcomed. This will facilitate such a decisive step.
Do Not Delude Yourself
Avoid falling into the illusion that things will go very well, whatever happens. Everyone loves each other, children love you as step-parents, in short, everyone is beautiful everyone is nice. Do not be ignorant, under the rather positive appearances, there is a less beautiful reality. The absence of open conflict does not mean that there is hardly any, on the contrary, it may be preferable for a dispute to break out to clear the air and build human relationships within the small tribe.